Dad Joke Saturday

Medical jokes

After two years, I’m going through my father’s computer files.

One folder is untouched for 20 years. It’s a collection of jokes sent out by a family friend.

I should clean out the folder…

But I think someone should enjoy these.

Don’t you?

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A nurse at the beginning of the shift places her stethoscope on an elderly & slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," instructed the nurse.

“Yes, they used to be," remorse the patient.

*

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

*

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart & began, "Cover your right eye with your hand.”

He read the 20/20 line perfectly.

“Now your left.” Again, a flawless read.

“Now both," I requested.

There was silence.

He couldn't even read the large E on the top line.

I turned & discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered!

*

During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist he informed his doc that he was having trouble with one of his medications.

"Which one?", asked the doc.

“The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours & now I'm running out of places to put it!"

The doc had him quickly undress & discovered what he hoped he wouldn't see...yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include: removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

*

A nurses' aide was helping a patient into the bathroom when the patient exclaimed, "You're not coming in here with me. This is a one-seater!"