My Top Ten Christmas Classics

It's going to be strange

Tolstoy said, “All happy families are happy in the same way; all unhappy families are unhappy in their own unique way.”

This, of course, as has been discussed before in a previous post, is bullcrap. Pure 100% unfettered bullcrap.

To prove it in this particular instance, take my family, please. Growing up, I had a distinct set of Christmas films. I would even go so far as to call them unique. The following list consists of these Christmas films, in no particular order; the numbers are not indicative of quality, simply to count them off.

#1 Captain Newman, MD

This movie stars Tony Curtis and Angie Dickinson and Gregory Peck. If you can believe that Captain Ahab is the head doctor of a mental ward in World War II, you have a pretty good idea where this is going.

This includes bit parts from James Gregory (Manchurian Candidate, Barney Miller), and also includes a bit part by Robert Duval, (The Godfather, To Kill a Mockingbird). Duval might also be familiar to people who remember the original film “MASH.” If you do not remember these films, please go out and rent them, thank you.

What makes this a Christmas movie? Mostly Act Three, and the conclusion. The themes are present throughout the movie, but you don't see it until the finale.

And, because I’m generous like that, here’s the movie. The whole movie and nothing but the movie.

#2 Desk Set

A charming little Tracy and Hepburn comedy, and one of the few times I really enjoy them together. It's computers versus people ... and it ends at the most wonderful time of the year.

#3 Bell Book and Candle

Jimmy Stewart is a book publisher, Kim Novak is a witch. Jack Lemmon is her insane brother. When Novak puts Stewart under her spell, the problem really becomes who ends up bewitched, bothered and bewildered.

Largely a comedy that takes place over a week, from December 25th to New Years. Hilarity ensues.

#4 The Bishop’s Wife

Our current generation might be aware of that particular abomination called The Preacher’s Wife, which was not only a criminal waste of the acting talents of Denzel Washington and Courtney B. Vance, but was a flat-out rape of a good classic film.

The original Bishop’s Wife starred the always-charming David Niven (Guns of Navarone), Loretta Young, and the ubiquitous Cary Grant (Notorious, North by Northwest, any popular Hitchcock that didn't star Jimmy Stewart).

If you have been fortunate enough to avoid The Preacher’s Wife, the plot is simple: an Episcopal pastor prays for aid, and he gets it in the form of angel Cary Grant. Hilarity ensues.

This film also stars Monty Wooly, the Yale professor - turned- actor who taught Cole Porter. which leads to...

#5 The Man Who Came to Dinner

In this one, Monty Wooly stars as a beloved radio personality who makes Doctor House look warm and cuddly. He come to Small Town America, slips on the ice, and is trapped there. He is confined to the house of the family that was to host him, and proceeds to make their life a living hell, belittling them, their friends, their town, and causing general mayhem.

Also starring Bette Davis as his secretary, in possibly the only role I ever found her remotely attractive or appealing.

Also guest starring Jimmy Durante as the most bizarre deus ex machina ever.

A more recent version stars Nathan Lane as the titular Scrooge, co-starring the ghost of Jimmy Durante.

I can’t seem to find the original for you.

But in case of emergency, break glass and break out the next cast iteration.

Speaking of Scrooge...

#6 Scrooged

One of Bill Murray's better performances outside of Ghostbusters, recasting Scrooge into the world of modern, cutthroat Wall Street, in charge of a major TV network. The four spirits that haunt this fellow cannot be translated into a Disney cartoon, unlike the original. His female lead is Karen Allen (Raiders of the Lost Ark). It is dark, and it is funny, despite having Bobcat Goldthwait (okay, he was funny here, and maybe Police Academy).

Despite that it feels like it should be directed by Tim Burton (that feel is aided by a soundtrack brought do you by Danny Elfman), it is instead directed by Richard Donner, who brought us our next Christmas classic…

#7 Lethal Weapon

Even though this film has not aged well, and is populated by more psychos than a Norman Bates family reunion, it has a bizarre charm in its use of Christmas carols.

Yes, I grew up with this film. I can't really watch it anymore, since so much of it creaks, but it held up for years.

#8 The Long Kiss Goodnight

A female Jason Bourne, played by Geena Davis, aided by a low-rent PI, played by the grand muthaf****r himself, Samuel L. Jackson.

It is a very 90s movie, but still holds up well. It’s MacGuffin … is very dated, but it worked back then because it was the first one to do it. Since then, it’s become overused. But honestly, it works here because it doesn’t belabor the point.

#9 and #10 Die Hard and Die Harder

I've done the blog on Why Die Hard is perfect. I don't think I really need to follow it up. But while Die Harder feels like a rehash of the first one, it has some nice twists, an interesting cast, including the late Senator Frank Thompson.